Monday, November 12, 2012

I just want you to know.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. These are things I never gave thought to before I became the wife of a pastor. Being a pastor's wife is a unique thing. I adore it because I feel so incredibly blessed to have been given such a huge responsibility by God. It also scares me for that same reason.
Here are some things I think you should know about Pastor's wives:

1. We aren't perfect and either are our husbands. Please show us grace in this area, as people tend to think this and thus when we sin, like everyone else, they are all surprised. It puts a lot of pressure on us because we know we are not perfect which in turn is setting us up for failure. 

2. We have our own friends. A while back a friend sent me an email from Proverbs 31 Ministry that Lysa TerKeurst wrote. This was a quote from a pastor's wife that sums up how I am sure most pastor's wives feel, "I think the thing that discourages me the most is people commenting on my friendships. Using the word clique to describe my friendships, rather than just being happy I have a community, is hurtful." Please recognize that we need close friendships. We need people who pray for us and who can comfort and encourage us through our joys and struggles. Woman who we can confide in and also who can confide in us. It's OK that we don't hit it off with every woman that comes in the Church, God made us all different and that's a good thing!

3. We matter too. Please don't refer to us as "the pastor's wife" when you introduce us. I personally love that I am a pastor's wife and that people love my husband so much they want to talk about him to others. But I still have a name and for me specifically I am working along side him in ministry. We do everything together when it comes to youth ministry. Does it mean I make the tough decisions? Heck no, nor do I want to, but we are still a team.

4. We need prayer. I would argue we need it just as much if not more than those who aren't in ministry. This is not to say I am any better but the exact opposite. That I need it so much because of how rotten I am.

5. We need Encouragement. We need other woman telling us they love us and appreciate us. Or maybe some of us just need a hug that will let us know we are doing alright. We aren't above this just because we happen to have husbands in ministry.

6. We are normal. We love things that all other woman love. We love to shop, and buy new clothes. We cry and we laugh and we get mad at our husbands. We don't think everything is fair and right with the world. We have hang-ups and faults and things that really get us down sometimes. A huge example of this for me would be my anxiety. People seem surprised when I tell them about this and I am not sure why. Maybe that idea again that we have it all together because our husbands hold a position in the Church. We all have something God is working on, I am no exception.

7. We aren't a sound board for complaining.  Please, Please, don't talk badly about our husbands to us or around us. I cannot stand this. It is not OK to say mean things about them or the other pastors of your church at any time. If you have an issue, go, kindly, with love and grace to that pastor. We also cannot and will not fix the issues you have. We will not talk to our husbands on your behalf about an issue you are having with something going on in the church. God didn't intend for us to and I would like very much not to.

8.We are so busy.  For me, between planning youth events, showing up at church events, trying to get together with the staff, and having my own full-time job, I am usually spent by the end of the week. Which I LOVE because I love what we do. We wish we had time to hang out with everyone and go to all the fun things that are planned but sometimes it's important that we take a night to enjoy our families. It doesn't mean we aren't committed or that we don't love you all but we need to make sure we too are carving out personal time for God and our families.

9. We are pretty funny. Seriously. My friend, who is also a pastors wife, and I always joke with people. We even say "I'm so funny" and we laugh at ourselves. We love to laugh too and we aren't weird in the sense that we won't find stuff funny because people think we're too holy or something. Again, I believe I am no better than anyone, in fact the exact opposite. 

10. We believe God has called our husbands into ministry. We will defend, support, and love our husbands with all we have. We believe our husbands are called by God to lead others into a relationship with Him and we will be there to help our husbands in that in any way we can. We will defend anything our husbands do, teach or say because we know their heart for people and we know they are doing what God is leading them to do.

11. We love Jesus. It's why we are where we are. Because Jesus first loved us, we live our lives for Him. I can't stress enough that this is nothing I did. I had no idea God would call me to marry a pastor and have such a passion and love for students. But He did and it's only because He chose me to do so. I owe my whole life to Him and wherever He see's fit to put me, there I will be.

See, we are just normal gals who like normal stuff which maybe makes this post unnecessary and maybe not. I wonder if not only pastor's wives feel this way but Christian woman in general.  I would love to hear from other pastors wives (or anyone for that matter) on anything they want to add! Newborn mama?? :) 

Oh and here.. This is the picture we took for the website haha... I think we look like the high schoolers, not the leaders. ;)


  1. I loved reading this. I have a friend who married a pastor and she often complains to me about the stereotypes she gets of being a pastors wife. Good to speak your mind! Cute photo! :-)

    1. Thank you Karla! Not so much as a complaint as I just want people to understand how imperfect we are. We need Jesus just as much as them but He just happened to choose us to share it in a ministry setting. :) BTW- I got your nomination, I am so honored, thank you :) I promise to try and get around to it! I don't blog on weekends only because Saturday is our only day off and Sunday we are so stinkin busy! :)

  2. #1, #3, #6 are my favorites and I guess the most relatable for me. I've had others view us as "perfect" therefore not wanting to be 'real' with me because they thought my marriage and life were perfect. This is just downright FUNNY!

    I would add to #10 , I believe my husband was called into ministry. That doesn't mean that I'm not called into ministry, because as wives we are. Just because we don't have the title doesn't mean we aren't doing ministry!

    Great post Jess. I'll continue to think on this.. CONFESSION: One of the reasons I wanted to blog is so what people knew that I had ideas and passions too, not just my amazing pastor husband.

    1. I absolutely agree with you girl! I believe we are also called into ministry just as much as our husbands. And your confession is a little of my own too. I also would say I was almost worried to start a blog because people do have this idea of us being so perfect and I didn't want to offend anyone. But I also just want to do this because I am hoping God has something to say through me so no matter what that's all that matters. Thanks for responding, I was SO hoping you would :)

  3. Nicely written and so true. I can really relate to everything you wrote. It is very exciting to me that you are in ministry and I am so grateful that the kids you work with have you! You are nicely representing everyone who is ministry!

  4. Thank you so much! I love being in ministry and am so thankful God chose me to do so. Thanks for commenting, I am so glad you could relate. I love to hear from other pastors and their wives. :)
    PS- I still have this need to call you Ms. Mills :) haha but I will resist!

    1. That makes me laugh. I totally relate though, I still want to call my teachers Mr. or Ms. too.

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