I can't shake the need to write a post about who I am or equally important, who I am not. My desire is for you to know these things so we can be "real" friends. My hope is that you'll know I don't have the perfect life and that I don't always have it all together. Not because I necessarily
want to share all my faults but because I want to encourage you that I am just a work in progress & I definitely don't have everything all figured out.
I am a child of God.
I don't always believe that. I 'super' struggle with not being good enough. Not being holy enough, sinless enough. Even not loving Him enough, giving Him enough. I know the truth, and I know none of those things matter, I do, but I sometimes tend to believe other wise.
I am not too far from grace. I am not hopeless. I am not left out, forgotten or without love.
I used to be full of fear. Sometimes, I still am. If I shared with you some of the things I have had anxiety about, you'd probably "unfriend" me. That's ok. I still have Jesus & a husband whom both love me dearly. An unwavering love for me. Regardless of any of that stuff.
I am not even sure why I blog. Really, I'm not. I wanted to & that was good enough motivation. I'm still figuring this one out.
I struggle with my identity, who I really am. Who God made me to be & if it's even possible that He does really have a plan for me.
I am silly & love to laugh. Specifically at myself or with my husband.
I am a wife who can't get enough of her husband. I mean, really, I don't mind spending every day, all day with him. Then I miss him like crazy when we are apart.
I'm super imperfect. like, SUPER, DUPER, imperfect. I sin, I kick myself. I sin again, I curse myself. I sin again, I give myself anxiety. I'm telling you people, it's not fun.
I am someone who is working on life. Being who I was meant to be and not worrying about who I am not.
I am someone who goes weeks without having real time with Jesus. Real prayer, sincere prayer.
time in the Word. Real change.
I am a wife who gets super mad at her husband for farting too much. Like, mad, I'm yelling now, "for the love, quit being so gross, Nathan!"
I complain a lot. Too much and I hate it. I'm working on it but it still sucks. See, complaining.
I'm the girl who is too stubborn to look past an issue and just move on already. This doesn't always happen, but if I feel super wronged by you, I will be super awkward around you. I want badly to fix it, but I am too bothered to.
I am a crier. Oh you thought you were the only one? Ya, no. I'm like a waaa, I'm a baby, kind of crier. Because I get my feelings hurt easily. so be nice.
I am righteous. Yes, me. this dirty rotten girl was made righteous through Jesus. Because HE says so. Not me.
I am not a morning person. If my husband so much as looks at me, I'm already plotting his death. He thinks it's fun to wake me up when he gets up & love on me. You're thinking awe that's so sweet.. I'm thinking if you don't shut up and let me go back to bed I'm going to punch in the mouth.
I am a wife. Who absolutely, 100% adores her husband. I believe he was made specifically for me and that God planned for us to be together all along. I am my husband's biggest fan.
I am a realist. As opposed to a optimist. This means when someone has an idea, I'm the one who wants to know what about a, b, c, & d?? How will that work? Did you think about this? What if this happens?
I am an avid advice giver. Didn't want my advice? Too bad, I gave it anyways. Sometimes this is bad. Sometimes this is good. I do however, try and give the best advice I can according to God's word. That really is the truth.
I am called to be in youth ministry. I love students. I love their hearts for Jesus. I love seeing them change, grow, and serve. I long to shelter their tiny hearts and protect them from the bad this world is bound to bring but I know better.
I am easily excited if anyone says anything about me baking. Want me to bake you something? OK! Send me your info.
I am a coffee junkie. Let me re-phrase, I like lots of sugar in my coffee please. No, I like lots of sugar in my iced grande 6 pump vanilla melted extra caramel decaf caramel macchiato. I know you're shaking your head at me. That's fine.
I am funny. Listen, I know you haven't really seen the funny Jess much on my blog, but seriously, hang out with me in person sometime, you'll laugh, I promise.
I am too quick to believe a lie. Specifically from the ultimate liar, satan. I am horrified by this but it's the truth.
I am a work in progress. I am in need of Jesus. I am never, ever going to be anything without Him. I am a believer. Through and through. I will not give into this world. I will be His, for good. You'll see.
I am who I was made to be. I am nothing less and nothing more. I am me. Made by the Creator. Being molded by the Creator. Constantly, daily, always.
By the way, ever want me to pray for you? I would love that. Email me at jessmileham{at)gmail(dot)com