Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Who I am.

I can't shake the need to write a post about who I am or equally important, who I am not. My desire is for you to know these things so we can be "real" friends. My hope is that you'll know I don't have the perfect life and that I don't always have it all together. Not because I necessarily want to share all my faults but because I want to encourage you that I am just a work in progress & I definitely don't have everything all figured out.

I am a child of God.

I don't always believe that. I 'super' struggle with not being good enough. Not being holy enough, sinless enough. Even not loving Him enough, giving Him enough. I know the truth, and I know none of those things matter, I do, but I sometimes tend to believe other wise.

I am not too far from grace. I am not hopeless. I am not left out, forgotten or without love.

I used to be full of fear. Sometimes, I still am.  If I shared with you some of the things I have had anxiety about, you'd probably "unfriend" me. That's ok. I still have Jesus & a husband whom both love me dearly. An unwavering love for me. Regardless of any of that stuff.

I am not even sure why I blog. Really, I'm not. I wanted to & that was good enough motivation. I'm still figuring this one out.

I struggle with my identity, who I really am. Who God made me to be & if it's even possible that He does really have a plan for me.
I am silly & love to laugh. Specifically at myself or with my husband.

I am a wife who can't get enough of her husband. I mean, really, I don't mind spending every day, all day with him. Then I miss him like crazy when we are apart. 

I'm super imperfect. like, SUPER, DUPER, imperfect. I sin, I kick myself. I sin again, I curse myself. I sin again, I give myself anxiety. I'm telling you people, it's not fun.

I am someone who is working on life. Being who I was meant to be and not worrying about who I am not. 
I am someone who goes weeks without having real time with Jesus. Real prayer, sincere prayer. 
time in the Word. Real change.

I am a wife who gets super mad at her husband for farting too much. Like, mad, I'm yelling now, "for the love, quit being so gross, Nathan!"

I complain a lot. Too much and I hate it. I'm working on it but it still sucks. See, complaining. 

I'm the girl who is too stubborn to look past an issue and just move on already. This doesn't always happen, but if I feel super wronged by you, I will be super awkward around you. I want badly to fix it, but I am too bothered to.

I am a crier. Oh you thought you were the only one? Ya, no. I'm like a waaa, I'm a baby, kind of crier. Because I get my feelings hurt easily. so be nice.

I am righteous. Yes, me. this dirty rotten girl was made righteous through Jesus. Because HE says so. Not me.

I am not a morning person. If my husband so much as looks at me, I'm already plotting his death. He thinks it's fun to wake me up when he gets up & love on me. You're thinking awe that's so sweet.. I'm thinking if you don't shut up and let me go back to bed I'm going to punch in the mouth.

I am a wife. Who absolutely, 100% adores her husband. I believe he was made specifically for me and that God planned for us to be together all along. I am my husband's biggest fan.

I am a realist. As opposed to a optimist. This means when someone has an idea, I'm the one who wants to know what about a, b, c, & d?? How will that work? Did you think about this? What if this happens?

I am an avid advice giver.  Didn't want my advice? Too bad, I gave it anyways. Sometimes this is bad. Sometimes this is good. I do however, try and give the best advice I can according to God's word. That really is the truth.

I am called to be in youth ministry. I love students. I love their hearts for Jesus. I love seeing them change, grow, and serve. I long to shelter their tiny hearts and protect them from the bad this world is bound to bring but I know better.

I am easily excited if anyone says anything about me baking. Want me to bake you something? OK! Send me your info. 

I am a coffee junkie. Let me re-phrase, I like lots of sugar in my coffee please. No, I like lots of sugar in my iced grande 6 pump vanilla melted extra caramel decaf caramel macchiato. I know you're shaking your head at me. That's fine.

I am funny. Listen, I know you haven't really seen the funny Jess much on my blog, but seriously, hang out with me in person sometime, you'll laugh, I promise.

I am too quick to believe a lie. Specifically from the ultimate liar, satan. I am horrified by this but it's the truth.

I am a work in progress. I am in need of Jesus. I am never, ever going to be anything without Him. I am a believer. Through and through. I will not give into this world. I will be His, for good. You'll see.

I am who I was made to be. I am nothing less and nothing more. I am me. Made by the Creator. Being molded by the Creator. Constantly, daily, always.

By the way, ever want me to pray for you? I would love that. Email me at jessmileham{at)gmail(dot)com


  1. Jess!!! I absolutely LOVE this post girl:) You are so real and genuine and honest and true. And by the way, we are twins in SO many ways:) love katie

  2. so real! Thanks so much for sharing your flaws.
    I did shake my head at your coffee drink.
    and I laughed out loud about the farts.... so true.

  3. Haha I KNEW other women could relate on the farting thing bahahaha

  4. Jess- you remind me of my best friend from college. Your post made me laugh out loud, so thank you- I needed that. It's nice to know that I'm not the only flawed cry baby whiner- I drive J nuts! Thanks for the post, and for the encouragement to keep my faith strong in Jesus. Whether you realize it or not, your blog touches many hearts I'm sure! Whenever I'm having a bad day or need some encouragement, I read your blog (not in the creepy way but in the need to read about Jesus from someone else's point of view kind of way). Your passion about Jesus is inspiring to me and I just thought you should know :) have a great week!

  5. Claudia, You are so sweet! I am so glad you read my blog and get encouragement from it! So glad we met in this blogging land and are now friends! :)

  6. I absolutely loved this. I love love love posts like this! I can relate to so many (if not all) of these, it's not even funny. I'm a cryer. I drink more creamer than coffee. I'm not a morning person. And I'm stubborn. :)

  7. Ohhhh please let us meet one day and hang out! It would be so fun and fabulous!

  8. It's great . Life's not always so sweet but sometimes , we have to atke a stand and I am glad you're too realistic about everthing .
    Noor @ Noor's Place

  9. Loved this! i could relate to so much of it. i constantly feel like i'm not living up to what the Lord intended for me or like i am a constant let down to Him. and i all too easily believe the lies of Satan. I'm also a TOTAL realist. (it drives my husband, the dreamer optimist, insane.) And i, too, LOVE baking. except my oven has been broken for like 6 months. so that blows. chin up, buttercup. you're much harsher on yourself than anyone else (God included) ever is.

  10. Girl, this post makes me realize we'd be real good friends if we lived close! We can still be real good blogging friends! :)

  11. Girl, this post makes me realize we'd be real good friends if we lived close! We can still be real good blogging friends! :)

  12. I can relate to a lot of these. especially the advice giver one! I'm bad about giving advice when I should be giving a listening ear... sigh. working on that!

    it was nice to get to know you a bit more through this <3


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