SO What Wednesday

Glad to be back doing So What Wednesday's this week :)  SO What IF:   It's been 5 days since returning from camp and I am still not caught up on sleep. I slept ONE hour the first night and an average of 5 the next 4. I'm getting old.    I would still rather be at camp right now. You know you're called to youth ministry when you're willing to never sleep again for it.. ;)  

  I gained 4 pounds at camp. Yes, I'm serious. Do you even know what kind of food they serve?! I mean come on people, soft serve ice cream with every meal is unnecessary (and delicious!)   I'm sad about selling our home. Even though we haven't lived in it for a year, I still miss it. It was our very first home together.    I caved and let my husband go grab us some free iPhone 5's at Best Buy the other day.. Listen, as badly as I want the new one, there is no way I am throwing down $400 for 2 new phones. That's just ridiculous people.
I haven't gone grocery shopping in  2 weeks & we have been eating out too much. I just don't feel like it and we have been so busy. 
I went back to bed this morning when Nathan had to go meet with someone. 
It's going to be 117 degrees this Saturday & we have an outdoor event scheduled (insert whine here!)
I have gone picture crazzzyy with our new youth camera. Look out!
I haven't shared but one camp picture.. they're coming I promise.. We got some sa-weet shots with the new camera!    I really just want to blog all day but have I to work in 8 minutes.. boo!
I realized I hate pictures of myself because of my posture, so 'Operation, stand up straight' is underway. This is legit people. 
Have such a wonderful week friends!

Currently

LISTENING //Phil Wickham on Pandora. Can't get enough.

PLANNING //
To sell our home and buy a new one. It's exciting, sad, & a lot of work all at the same time.

THINKING ABOUT // 
How blessed I am. God has been so good to me. As hard as anxiety makes life seem at times, whenever He pulls me out of it, I discover new blessings from Him. 

LOOKING FORWARD TO //
The Missions trip coming up in  July. I can't believe it's almost here.. Is it strange that I am a youth pastor's wife, yet I have never been on a mission trip? God is going to do some really cool things!

READING //
#SheReadsTruth of course. Also trying to read the Gospel of John before our mission's trip.

MAKING ME HAPPY //
My husband. That man, he is my love. Being back from camp and in our own bed, Together.

Praying//
For our Mission trip. My dear sweet friends. Our youth group. Always for my husband. & for the Lord to uphold me and give me strength.

Learning//
To speak truth to myself even when it's hard and in the midst of anxiety. For the Word of God is quick and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword...I truly believe this and am starting to really understand what it means to use God's Word to fight my fears.

Who does God say you are?

This week was the start of small group for our high school girls this summer. 

I kinda put off finding a lesson until the very last day-uh um, minute. I searched the Internet and just couldn't decide. I wanted to talk about modesty but really, the more I think about it, the more The Lord has been sharing he doesn't care what they wear, what He cares about is their heart. When he has that, he will take care of what they wear.

Then I came across some material on finding your identity. At first I thought, "how cliche, another study on finding out identity in Christ."
Then I realized, wait, we have never done a study like this with our girls & I personally have never done a study like this either. Not as a high school student and certainly not as an adult.

However there is certainly a needs in young woman's lives to hear this truth.
Why? Because we find our identity in all the wrong things if its not in Jesus alone.

As I sat there and I heard the stories of these girls my heart was filled with love for them. When we got to the tough questions, my heart broke.
One question was, what do you like about yourself. Surely, you only had to name one thing, this would be easy enough, right? 

As we sat in silence for a short time, I encouraged the girls to start sharing their answers, but they just kinda starred at me. And then I knew.

I knew the reason they were  looking at me was the same reason I wasn't able to think of something I liked about myself.

Why was it so hard to find something about ourselves that we liked? What did God think of that? I imagine His heart hurt more than mine in that silence. Wondering why his precious daughters couldn't find anything they liked about themselves when He made them all from scratch. Gave them all special abilities and a heart for different things. 

What was holding us back from speaking truth about ourselves? After all, I could think of a billion things I loved about each of these girls. I could see the incredible things they had done in others lives. I adored their hearts for children, for the broken and homeless. I adored they're silliness and ability to make others laugh. I adored their determination and the ability to defend the weak.  

But they couldn't see any of those things of themselves. 

They had been lied to for so long, by others, the enemy, and themselves, that they actually started believing there wasn't anything good worth sharing. It even took me a while to come up with something that I liked about myself and I had to force it out. 

Finally one of my students spoke up. I don't remember what she said, but I was just so happy that she found something she liked about herself. Soon after, all the girls followed suit and we even started sharing what we like about each other. 

But today, today I am still haunted by knowing how poorly us girls think of ourselves. 

How heartbreaking it is that we think we aren't worth it, that we have nothing good to offer. 

And then realizing that because of this, young girls long to find their identity in other things.
Boys, sports, being popular, being pretty(just to name a few!)

My heart hurts for young woman. For myself even. For the high school girl I was. Trying to find my identity in all the wrong things. Wondering if I would ever be good enough. 

The Lord says, YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. 

You are a daughter of the most high KING. 

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

You are more precious than silver and gold. 

You are of more worth that the Lily's in the field and the birds in the air. 

You are loved with an ever lasting love. 

You are worth dying for. 

The lesson I found was no mistake, clearly The Lord wants to speak to these girls (and me!) about how we think of ourselves. 

Most importantly, knowing & believing what HE thinks of us so that in turn we too can learn to love ourselves and speak truth to our own hearts.

Next week I will be at Camp with our jr. highers & my handsome hubby, so I promise, I did not go missing, I just won't be blogging.. and I am not a planner so I didn't prepare anything for the week I am gone!
Please be praying for this week for us!

In Jesus, I find rest.

I am
Scared.
Of what it might mean to step out in faith.
To literally trust the Lord with EVERYTHING.
to hold nothing back but allow Him to do whatever He wishes in my life.
And I mean, anything.
Fear is dumb.
My heart can be so filled with joy. So hopeful. So overwhelmed by God's love and blessings in my life.
Then fear happens & everything changes.
The hope I had is gone. The joy I felt was stolen.
His love and blessings are still there, but I can't see them anymore. They seem too far away.
It makes me so sad. I pray for a day when fear is gone again. I beg the Lord to allow me to go back to "normal." To the place I found His peace and everything seemed so good.
He then reminds me, My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in your weakness.
What Lord? I have to deal with this so I can allow for you power to present itself perfectly?
How? How do I keep feeling this way Lord?
How can I move forward because I am positive that you don't want me living in fear. I know this because your word says so. "Be anxious for NOTHING but in everything with prayer and thanksgiving make your requests known to the Lord and He will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." & the He answers me.  He reminds me of what He has done. The Lord has used this in so many ways in my life.  He has brought me to a new place of trust with Him, even as unfaltering as I am, it is more than I ever knew before.  He has used my story to speak truth into others lives. He has brought me sweet friends who experience the same things. Ones I might have never known had I never knew suffering in this way. Ones I am listening to and watching carefully. Ones who have a thing or two to teach me. Other ones that are in the early rough stages of anxiety and just need to hear that someone understands.  Ones looking for hope and God allowing me to be the one who says,  "Oh hope?  You will only find that in Jesus."  Every.Single.Time.  He is teaching me to not live by my feelings but to trust His word above all else.  He has given me a healthy dependence on a husband who leads me with a strong faith.  He has shown me all the things He has done for me through this struggle.  And it isn't until times when I am flat on my face, wondering how I fell again, that I recognize that the Lord has been here all along. He has never left me.  It was always me wandering.  Thinking I had it all figured out. Just to end up on my face before Him again.  And that kind of fall is worth every bump and bruise it took to get there.

{Sprinkle} Cookies

 

  There are a couple of things I like on everything. Ranch. & Sprinkles. Obviously, on separate food items.. No joke, I will order a plain burger with french fries and a side of pickles, and go through probably a cup of ranch. Also, if I order any type of dessert, I want to know if there are any rainbow sprinkles.  Making me a birthday cake? Make sure it's rainbow chip with rainbow chip frosting.  Want to throw an Ice Cream sundae party? PLEASE make sure you offer up some sprinkles.  No I didn't make cookies with both of these ingredients. Although I am not opposed to some sort of ranch .. cake if you will. Like a crab cake..  no? ANYWAYS...  

    This recipe is obviously not my own and you may have seen them somewhere.. but if you haven't made them, for the love, try them.    This is probably the easiest (and most unhealthy) cookie recipe I've ever made   but they are definitely my go to cookie for unexpected events.  

They're just so darn pretty. Look at all those sprinkles. 

 Leroy likes to be in most of my cookie pictures..

 & by golly, I am getting OK at this food photography thing.. ;)

 & now that I am writing this post AFTER all the cookies have been eaten, I am really sad because now I really want one.

Sorry about all the pictures, I just couldn't help myself... Now make me happy and go make some.

What's in em'

  1 box white cake mix  1 tsp baking powder
2 eggs
1/2 Cup vegetable oil
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 Cup color sprinkles ( I buy the big tub and use half, that way I can make them again)
How it's done  Preheat oven to 350°.  Mix together the cake mix & baking powder.  In a separate bowl, mix together the eggs, oil and vanilla.  Add together and stir until combined Mix in those pretty Sprinkles  Drop by spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet. Bake for 10 minutes and let cool completely (One of the only cookies I like cold better!!)
*Original recipe found here!

{SO What} Wednesday

    SO What If:   -This is my first post this week, especially after saying I would be better at posting. It happens.   -I keep saying especially like expecially. Leave me alone Nathan, I'm smart.    -I don't want to sell our very first home. It was our home and it makes me sad.    -I have been eating way too many chocolate covered almond clusters lately. I think since I got them at Sprouts, they must be healthy...   -Lunch is my least favorite meal of the day. I mean, come on. I don't want to have to make something and I also don't want to eat a cold sandwich everyday. Quite the predicament.    -I won't settle for a house without a pool this time around. Listen, I will use it every single day from March to October.    -I think I may have already had that last one in a previous so what wednesday post..   -I move seats every day while working. I can't get comfortable so I have created a new sitting arrangement.. laptop on lap, feet up on office chair, reclining on our {semi-stolen} office couch. (long story, don't ask)    -I don't go outside unless absolutely necessary. It's June now so this whole week (and until October) will consist of 110+ degrees outside. Gross.   -Not very many people like my Instagram pictures. I still think they're cool. or cute. or whatever it is I am going for.    -I just remembered that Father's Day is in a week and I have absolutely NO idea what I am going to do for my Daddy.    -I still call him Daddy.