Tuesday, June 11, 2013

In Jesus, I find rest.

I am
Of what it might mean to step out in faith.
To literally trust the Lord with EVERYTHING.
to hold nothing back but allow Him to do whatever He wishes in my life.
And I mean, anything.
Fear is dumb.
My heart can be so filled with joy. So hopeful. So overwhelmed by God's love and blessings in my life.
Then fear happens & everything changes.
The hope I had is gone. The joy I felt was stolen.
His love and blessings are still there, but I can't see them anymore. They seem too far away.
It makes me so sad. I pray for a day when fear is gone again. I beg the Lord to allow me to go back to "normal." To the place I found His peace and everything seemed so good.
He then reminds me, My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in your weakness.
What Lord? I have to deal with this so I can allow for you power to present itself perfectly?
How? How do I keep feeling this way Lord?
How can I move forward because I am positive that you don't want me living in fear. I know this because your word says so. "Be anxious for NOTHING but in everything with prayer and thanksgiving make your requests known to the Lord and He will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
& the He answers me. 
He reminds me of what He has done.
The Lord has used this in so many ways in my life. 
He has brought me to a new place of trust with Him, even as unfaltering as I am, it is more than I ever knew before. 
He has used my story to speak truth into others lives.
He has brought me sweet friends who experience the same things.
Ones I might have never known had I never knew suffering in this way.
Ones I am listening to and watching carefully.
Ones who have a thing or two to teach me.
Other ones that are in the early rough stages of anxiety and just need to hear that someone understands. 
Ones looking for hope and God allowing me to be the one who says, 
"Oh hope?  You will only find that in Jesus."
He is teaching me to not live by my feelings but to trust His word above all else. 
He has given me a healthy dependence on a husband who leads me with a strong faith. 
He has shown me all the things He has done for me through this struggle. 
And it isn't until times when I am flat on my face, wondering how I fell again, that I recognize that the Lord has been here all along. He has never left me. 
It was always me wandering. 
Thinking I had it all figured out.
Just to end up on my face before Him again. 
And that kind of fall is worth every bump and bruise it took to get there.


  1. Oh Jess! I love this! This spoke so much to my heart as I've felt so dry in my walk with the Lord lately. It's so hard for me to look back on the times when I was so on fire and could hear his voice so clearly and now it seems so hard! Thank you for the reminder that His power is made perfect in my weekness! I need to remember that! :)
    Have a blessed day, friend!

  2. There is a song by Plumb that strikes at this very chord and resonated in my heart.
    The chorus cries out to God....

    How many times have you heard me cry out
    "God please take this"?
    How many times have you given me strength to
    Just keep breathing?
    Oh I need you
    God, I need you now.

    How many times, she asks? As many as it takes...from now until forever...70 times 7...or more.

    Standing on a road I didn't plan
    Wondering how I got to where I am
    I'm trying to hear that still small voice
    I'm trying to hear above the noise

    There is SO much noise in this world telling us we aren't enough. But, God says we are, we are enough, and that is enough.

    Oh I walk, oh I walk through the shadows
    And I, I am so afraid
    Please stay, please stay right beside me
    With every single step I take

    She begs God to stay right beside her but in reality He never ever...ever...left. God stands next to us, even when we don't have the faith to listen to him, because He believes in us...because He comes to us, He calls to us...we don't have to go or do...we just need to be still and listen.

    How many times have you heard me cry out?
    And how many times have you given me strength?

    Someone mentioned this song in our small group a couple of weeks ago and we all broke out and could sing every word. Why is that? Because it is catchy? No, I think it is because there is somewhere in the heart of a woman where we all can relate to fear and anxiety...it is in that place we need to lean into God with tenacity and not let go regardless of our feelings. You are not alone. Praying, sweet sister.

  3. He is so good. Trusting completely can be so hard- I struggle with letting go of control... but you're so right. He always provides and He is always enough!


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