Tuesday, October 2, 2012

My God has big dreams for me

 Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' Isaiah 41:10

One of my biggest desires in this life is to be able to do what I love. The easy answer would be, then just go do that. But how many of us actually get to quit our day jobs and do the thing that we always wanted to?  To use our talents as a full time job? So here's my story about that. I have the most awesomest husband, yes awesomest. Although he may not be perfect, he is perfect for me and I am so thankful for him.We were talking the other night about God's sovereignty and predestination if you will. I told him how amazing it was that God knew what kind of husband I would need and then he proceeded to mold Nathan accordingly because He knew I certainly wouldn't work with just any guy.
His response was something along the lines of how he sorta just realized something about the chosen but free statement. How God allows us to chose our spouses, and because He is the Lord, knew before hand who we would chose. Which meant one thing, He would prepare us for one another. Because that's God. He is in control of everything and He knows the end. He prepared me to be the wife Nathan would need. Everything He did in my life up until the day that I married him, God was shaping me, refining me, and teaching me so that I could be the wife that my husband desired. And he did the same with Nathan. Certain events taught him how to love me now despite my many flaws. Struggles we went through that seemed impossible are now helping us to love each other in a more intimate, pure way.  I don't think I realize how incredible God is to me until I begin to remember these amazing things He has done for me, until I write them down and it causes joy to bubble up in me to think of how good He has been to me. This is why I started blogging. I don't care how good I am at it, or how eloquently I write. I probably wont even make sense sometimes and that's OK because I just have some stuff to say and want to be used by God to say it.

 As you know I turned 25 just the other day. My husband took me to dinner and said "when i turned 24, I looked back at my life and realized I hadn't accomplished anything. So I told myself I would do what God always called me to do, become a pastor. Now I am 25 and I am there." At first I was all, " well thanks a lot babe, because I haven't done much either." haha. But then I realized something. It wasn't that something was wrong with me because I hadn't accomplished something great but just that God wanted to speak to me about who He wants me to be. I LOVE serving in youth ministry but often wonder if I would be there if my husband were not. I love it so much the answer to that is probably yes, but I still wonder. Our conversation turned from that to what my dreams were. No matter how big or small. And how could I spend this year figuring out what God wants Jess to do. I'll let you in on a secret. I.have.no.idea. But I have this unexplainable peace that the Lord is going to show up and show me. Even as I write this I am overcome with emotion because of how good God really is to me. And all I want to do is figure out how He wants to use me. Sadly, sometimes most of the time I let fear creep in and tell me I am not good enough to do the things God would want me to do. But I am committed everyday to letting that fear go and running after the Lord to find out what He has for me. I have so many dreams. So many things He has given me the ability to do and do well and I sometimes feel like it's going to waste because I am not using these talents. I feel as though I should have maybe figured this out sometime ago. Spent time with the Lord and really sought Him so He would reveal this to me. But I didn't and there is no use in being hard on myself now. I have right now with Him. Because of His grace, I still have time to ask Him. God is so personal. He wants us all to be doing what we love. Because He gave us those desires. And they are there so we can go change the world for Him. We all have something. I don't care if other people do it "better" than you, seek the Lord and He will give you the ability to do what He has called you to. "Don't be scared,"... I can hear Him saying to me, "I knew what I wanted you to do before you were born. I gave you specific gift to serve me and to bring the lost to me. Those desires you have, I gave them to you, Don't be afraid I am going to help you every step of the way." Find what God wants for you. Because He is the King. Because He LOVES you so so much. Because He is the way, the truth, and the life.

With Love,

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