Friday, March 29, 2013

Love.

Sometimes, when my anxiety is bad, I want to throw up.
Literally, run to the bathroom and throw up my lunch.

I feel like my heart would explode if I didn't tell others about my struggle. 
There are times where I am having anxiety about something. Something I think isn't normal. Something I think no one else would care about or think about. Something everyone might hate me for or judge me for. 
The only person I can't keep it from is my husband. 
I've tried before.
He always knows.
He'll say, "what's wrong?"
me: nothing.
him: babe.
me: what? I'm fine.
him: I know you. You can tell me anything. Come here, sit on my lap and I'll cuddle you if you want to cry. Sweetheart, nothing you say is ever going to make me stop loving you.



 And most the time, I will & then I'll tell him all about what's bothering me. Waiting for him to get irritated or frustrated that I haven't let that go yet. That I don't trust the Lord enough. That I should have figured this out by now.
He never does.
 Not once, not ever.
 So I don't know why I am so scared to come to him. He has always showed unconditional love to me.
My husband is rare in that sense. I wish he wasn't. I wish more were like him. Unwilling to judge. Letting Christ live so freely through him that no matter what anyone says to him, he really, truly doesn't care. He loves despite of anything. Really, you have no idea the people I have seen him love. The things they've done.



And it got me thinking. The example my husband sets isn't because my husband is great. It isn't because he has the ability to love others in and of himself despite anything else but because of the love Christ showed him first. 
He figured it out a long time ago. That Jesus loving him was all that mattered. That there was nothing, not one thing, in this life that could EVER steal that truth from him. 

Because Christ lives in my husband, I have experienced, real, unconditional love through him. I have felt more loved and protected in these last few years of marriage that I have in my WHOLE life.

Because of this, I've learned that I can  go to Jesus, freely, with whatever is hurting my heart. Even when fear takes over. When I am afraid that this time is going to be too much.

And EVERY time, He will say to me,
Come here, beloved. I will hold you and I will let you cry. I will comfort you and give you hope. I will reassure you and remain faithful. You can trust me.
Then I'll struggle to get it out & I'll cry and be sad and He will say, Jess, nothing you can say to me will EVER make me stop loving you. Nothing you have been through, nothing that upsets you, no thought, no sin, no power, nothing can separate you from the love I have for you. I'm not going anywhere, I will be here every single time you come to me because I am faithful.
I know this to be true because He has proven His faithfulness over and over in my life. The Lord has loved me in a way that no one else can. Not even my husband. It's the most perfect, peaceful love and it's mine to have. It's yours to have. It's ours friends, if we would just accept it. Let Him love you. I can promise you won't ever be the same.





15 comments:

  1. Aw Jess! I love this....beautiful!

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  2. What a beautiful post. How wonderful that your husband is allowing Jesus' love to shine through him, and how amazing to remember the love of our Savior. :)

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  3. Okay, I just literally sat here and cried reading this. This is a great post!

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  4. Oh my gosh Jess, this was such an awesome and inspiring read on so many levels. Your husband has inspired me to receive Gods love more so I can in turn love in more of the way that God does. I'm also soo thankful that you have such an amazing husband who blesses you with that unconditional love and acceptance. Soo good!

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  5. This was delightfully encouraging! Especially as a single gal who desires a husband that loves the Lord more than anything this was SO encouraging!!THANK YOU for such a beautiful post!!
    :) Rebecca

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  6. I love this post, so much. Thank you so much for writing this. I'm a new follower, so out of the posts of yours I've read so far, this one is one of my favorites. I need to learn to love like Jesus loves us, but I know it's hard sometimes. I just realize that it's something that I need to work on. ~Rachel

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  7. Love love love! Awesome and needed. Thanks!

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  8. I am reading this in the car (I'm not driving). On the radio is the song, "I Need you Now" by Plumb. Not sure if you have heard it. But, I heard her story the other day. She struggles with severe anxiety and wrote this song in response. Just wanted to share.

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  9. LOVE this and i really needed it today as well!!! Thank you oh and Love you too :)

    Have a great weekend and a blessed easter!!!

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  10. I'm stopping by thru another blogger. and I must say your man sounds like a major keeper. Wish they were all like that. All that understanding and caring and all. God can put amazing people in our life and it looks like your man is one of those in your life.

    Sorry you go thru that with anxiety. I've had 2 anxiety attacks and it's not fun at all. But I dont deal with it on a day to day basis but I deal with other things.

    Just letting you know also that I'm your newest follower. Best of luck to you hun.

    Would love for you to follow me back.
    http://pinkowl07.blogspot.com/

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  11. How sweet is that .. come here and sit in my lap, and i'll cuddle with you. ahhh love this !

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  12. Wow...I just welled up reading your husbands words in the beginning of this post! This entire post is absolutely beautiful!!!

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  13. thats really great and amazing. i wish i had the type of relationship like that. i have a boyfriend and we are going to get married but we have a ton of communication problems. due to how he was raised. so its tough to work through but reading this makes me feel like its possible.

    thanks for posting this. i am a new follower.

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