Thursday, April 11, 2013

Wifessionals {A Guest Post}

I have been following Kaitlyn's blog for some time now. I love reading her posts because she is kind, sincere and honest. Did I mention she loves the Lord?
& how adorable are her and her hubby with their growing little family?
I am so excited to have her share some advice on my blog today. Enjoy! :)

What a lovely, romantical picture....

It's safe to say, on the evening of my 25th birthday, I was pretty convinced a day like this picture would never come for me. You can read about my crazy love story and all that it entailed here.

So I'm Kaitlyn and you will usually find me blogging over at Wifessionals. I absolutely love Jess, so when she asked if I'd like to come share some things about marriage on her blog I was thrilled.

Ryan and I haven't been married for long, just about 10 months now. Although a lot of people tried to tell us that the first year of marriage can be really hard, we've found it to be quite the opposite.

This is not saying that we haven't had our fair share of disagreements, but Ryan and I always try to "fight fair". It's something we talked about in pre-marital counseling and even though it sounded silly at the time, it really has been something we've tried to apply.

So what is fighting fair?

When you disagree about something that is totally fine! You are two separate people with two different minds. It doesn't mean your marriage is failing because one of you likes Tide and the other wants Gain. Where the issues arise is when you don't handle your disagreement in the right way.

1. Stay Calm. You don't need to fly off the handle. I know that sometimes when you aren't seeing eye to eye (especially if it is happening frequently) you may start freaking out when you find yourself disagreeing AGAIN. Breathe.

2. Think About The Disagreement. Is it something small? Finding out one of you wants children and the other doesn't is a MAJOR issue, but trying to pick a restaurant for dinner is not. Ryan and I are really good about choosing our battles. We don't want to be upset at each other all the time, so we usually try to stay pretty laid back and easy going.

3. Respect. This is the biggest piece. Arguments go haywire when you start name calling or disrespecting each other. Don't cut each other down, no matter how frustrated you are getting. Yes, state your points, but don't start attacking your spouse. You can usually avoid this by refusing to use the word "You". Instead of saying "You never let me pick a restaurant! You are so selfish!" try turning it back on yourself. "I would love to suggest somewhere for us to go tonight. I feel like we never get to eat sushi." By not using "you" or disrespecting your partner, you are keeping them from getting on the defense as easily.

Above all else, when you are about to bite each other's heads off, think about why you married them. Remember how you felt the day you got engaged. Ryan and I have gotten into a handful of hurtful disagreements, but in the end, I know I wouldn't choose to be with anyone else.

He is my best friend and completely understands me. Yeah, he can annoy me, but I know that I can be just as annoying. He is actually a lot more gracious when it comes to our relationship. It takes a lot for me to set Ryan off, even though some days I know I am being a total "B".

So when I am tempted to yell at him because he won't stop tapping things or acting like he has a weird accent, I remember that he is so very patient with me, and I know I need to be the same with him (:

When all else fails, tickle each other, make a weird face, do the Harlem Shake...anything to burst out laughing or smiling. It's hard to stay mad at someone when you can't keep a straight face.


Thank you so much for visiting my blog! I LOVE hearing from my readers and so appreciate you being here :)

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