Wednesday, May 1, 2013

On my heart.

It's been a long time
like.. a really long time since I have written what is on my heart.
My heart just feels so overwhelmed.
With my busy life? Yes. 
But more than that. 
I miss the mornings when I used to get up, with nothing to do. There was no fear of how the day would turn out, all I could hear was the ocean smacking against the sand. 
Nathan and I would wake up, walk to get some coffee, and come sit on our porch. 
I sat for hours, journaling. Speaking to my Savior.
My heart was so full, so filled with awe of the life I had been given. 
It wasn't a feeling, but an understanding of who I was in Jesus.
All my fears were gone and all I did pour out pages and pages of gratefulness.
The only thing that was overwhelming was the peace of God.
For one beautiful week, that was my life.
After all, that's how most vacations go, right?
It might seem silly to compare a vacation to real life, but why?
Why have I been so consumed with the worries of my every day life. 
When will we have time to meet with our small group?
How am I going to save money but eat healthy at the same time?
How are we going to pay for that?
When will we get any time alone?
More importantly, when are we going to have a chance to sit down and pray together? How in the crap am I going to fit all these things into my already demanding work schedule?
How can I find time to just be with You, Lord?
I could go on but I won't because it doesn't matter. 
Lately, I have been longing for a time when it's just me and God. 
Struggling with understanding that He doesn't just meet me in the quiet mornings that I am on vacation. 
He meets me where I am. Every day is new and He is in the morning of every single one of my days. He is there, waiting, longing to spend time with His daughter.
& I'm running around, getting stuff done before I have to go work.
Cleaning the house because we've been too busy to keep up. 
Over sleeping because I am just so exhausted.
How can I get back to you God? These waves I am facing aren't getting any smaller. 
They're growing and coming faster.
How can I let all these things go? How do I find you in the midst of being overwhelmed?
I wish this post was full of encouragement. 
That I could tell you I've figured it out. 
But the truth is, I haven't. 
I don't know how to get back there. 
To allow the Lord to meet me where I am.
To forget the world and run into His open arms. 
To not just read my Bible plan, pray and move on to all the other million things on my mind.
But to spend hours with Him. Learning and soaking in the love He has for me.
To fully cast all my cares on Him because He cares for me. 
I'm certainly not perfect, so far from it that I am just putting one foot in front of the other at this point.
This I do know,
God is right here. He's living in me. 
Waiting for me, patiently. 
Filling me with His hope. 
I know this is true because He is faithful. 
Even when we are not. 
He has never left and He never will. 
So I will press on. 
I will "rejoice in hope, be patient in affliction, and constant in prayer." Romans 12:12
I will "trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.." Proverbs 3:5
I will "not grow weary of doing good, for in due season I will reap, if I do not give up." Galatians 6:9


  1. I'm there too Jess.
    It's leaving me a mess really... and I'm neglecting so much because of everything going on. Praying for you friend!

  2. This right here. This is what I needed today. I've been feeling the same way but I love how you reminded us and yourself that God is right there. Waiting for us in the kitchen, by the garbage can as we stuff an empty milk jug down, and in the car as we rush to work or run errands. He's always there waiting to spend time and shower us with His love. I love your post because it reminded me to seek God daily where I'm at and to not reserve that time for just church. I hope and pray that you can get back what you had during vacation. I know it's going to be hard, but He's patient and will help you :)

    Hugs sweet friend!

  3. Beautiful post!! I feel the same way in my life...I feel like the easy lazy days have become so crazy and I just can't seem to find the time to take to spend with God. Thanks for this post :)

  4. AMEN girl! I am praying that you would ALLOW Him to meet you right where you are... Not just tomorrow or the next day... But each and every morning, afternoon, and evening you're feeling overwhelmed. Love you so much friend!

  5. I feel like I'm in this exact same boat pretty girl. I love that you posted this and brought it to my attention.. I need to work on this. Praying for you, friend.

  6. Lately, I have been feeling like this, too. There are so many things that must happen in the day, that I find myself leaving God until last, which means my time with Him is rushed or non-existent. I know from experience that when I put Him first, everything else does fall into place. Just with I could remember that everyday. Love the Galatians verse!


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