Thursday, August 15, 2013

Whatever you want Lord, I'm all in.

Have you ever been so sure you are doing exactly what God wants you doing but obstacles keep presenting them self every which way?
This is me. 
Right now.
I know, We know that our purpose right now, is to be in ministry at Access Church. 
It took a lot of the Lord convincing my husband of this 2 years ago but it all seems so long ago now.
I remember when our best friends kept asking Nathan,
"When are you going to just move over here and be our youth pastor?"
We would just laugh and make some joke about how much they loved us and couldn't stand to be apart.
But slowly the Lord changed our hearts and we picked up our lives and moved to pursue the calling. 
It's been 2 years now since we made that choice.
Quite arguably, the best two years of our married life.
I woudn't trade this Church for any other. 
If someone said there were better students somewhere else, I would call them a liar.
We love the kids like they are our very own.
We've been through more than I wish we had here but it's all made us even more of a family. 
When we first moved, our only option was to rent the home we owned and move out here. Selling it then, really wasn't an option. 
When 18 months came to an end, along with our leases, we started pursuing the sell of our house.
Within days of our home being on the market, we had an offer. 
A very, very good one at that. 
We moved forward, optimistic and fully convinced this was just another way the Lord was telling us it was time to make this our permanent home.
After some difficulties with our buyers loan, they had to back out.
The house went back on the market for almost 3 weeks until we got our next offer.
15,000 less than asking price but we knew we had to move fast, sure we couldn't come up with two mortgages. 
15 Days into the new sell, and we have run into a whole new set of problems.
Although our house was sold in the 'As Is' Condition, our buyer is now wanting us to make repairs that we cannot afford. 
Our realtor, less than happy with them, assured us we would work all of this out, but it might mean more money and more time.
But I am starting to not be so sure.
Am I sure we should be at Access?
Without a doubt.
Am I sure we are ever going to sell our house?
I'm starting to believe we won't.
I know in these types of situations, we cannot possibly see what the Lord sees. I know that somewhere in this mess, that He has a plan for us. A plan to prosper us and to give us a hope and a future.
But right now, I am pretty discouraged. 
Nathan and have recently started talking about what other things (instead of buying another home) we could do with the money from the sell of our house. 
All things that would glorify God.
Things that might bring the lost to know Jesus. 
Things that would guarantee more people would hear the Gospel.
& then we got this news. 
& I would be lying if I didn't say I am wondering why.
I feel like I am all in. I am all for the Lord doing what He wants and shaking things up a bit. 
I am ready for whatever He has for us and I was so willing to step out in faith with the money HE was providing to do something for His kingdom.
So I'm just stuck here wondering, 
What now, Lord? 
My prayer is that our hearts would be changed forever through this. 
Even in a process, that some may think is small and dumb, is actually a big deal to me.
Because trusting the Lord with this, letting Him really have His way with the sale of the home and our hearts in all of this, could mean a life change for me. 
& that would make all of this worth it.


  1. You are in my prayers Jess! Although you are discouraged, I have to say that I really admire how hard you are trying to remain positive and trust in the Lord's plan for you guys. =)

  2. That's silly. "as is" means as is. Sorry you're dealing with that!

    Anyway...whatever HE chooses to do will be far above what you can ask or think :)

  3. I know that buying a house is stressful and I'm assuming that selling is just as stressful.
    It's one of the most stressful things we've been nervous it wasn't going to happen, but I like you, had to trust that if God wanted it to happen it would. It may not happen when we want, how we want, like we want... but when He wants, how He wants, and like He wants. That doesn't make it any easier...seems like things would be easier if we were in control...feels that way at times, but we know that's not true. I wish it were easier to trust and believe! Praying and thinking of you friend!

  4. Praying for you, love!! God has a plan, it just sucks when we're on the side where we can't see it! He always always always comes through!!

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