Thursday, November 7, 2013

What Grace looks like

With all these  30 Days of being Thankful posts.. I started thinking about my life.
The times I can't see why I should be thankful.
When I'm pouting because I feel alone in my struggle with anxiety.
When I feel like no one hears or really, truly understands.
But since God is so good to me, I don't stay there for long. He quickly shows up and reveals to me just how thankful I should be. 
Let's be honest for a minute.
In High school, and surely beyond, I did what I wanted.
I dated who I pleased.
I drank occasionally & entered the party scene my Senior Year.
I got involved with someone who treated me very poorly but I thought it was "true love."
I bought what I wanted, cared only about myself, and never gave any nice guys a chance.
I made a ton of mistakes and did so many things I regretted.
I was a spoiled brat without fear of confrontation and many opinions.
but by 
I am married to a man who treats me so well I see Jesus in him every day.
I gave up drinking when the Lord revealed to me I was just using it as a crutch & because of Him, 
it wasn't even difficult to do.
I get to be a part of leading students to the Lord.
I actually care about others & always give to the Lord what is His, first and foremost.
& you know what I realized the other day?
Not one of those things I did on my own.
 Because if it had been left up to me, if Jesus wouldn't have grabbed hold of my heart so long ago,
I would be either A. Stuck in a marriage I was completely miserable in.
or B. Divorced and trying to make another relationship work. on my terms, in my way.
I would continue to allow alcohol to be my help  because I wouldn't have the love of the Lord 
strengthening me to give it up.
I'd still care only for myself, doing whatever made me happy. Never wondering
if my actions effected others. Never caring really.
& sometimes, I feel broken for those who are still there. 
Who haven't allowed the Lord into their lives & are still right where I was 10 years ago.
but in my heart, I rejoice. Because God did that for me.
I didn't do anything to deserve the life I have right now. 
I am not qualified to be in Youth Ministry. 
I am not qualified to be leading young woman.
I am not qualified to be a good wife, to love my husband. 
I am not qualified to care for others or to give of my time & money.
Hear me when I say, 
I deserve nothing. 
I am nothing...
Without Him.



  1. I like reading posts like and seeing how Jesus has helped people. Thanks for sharing Jess… I can relate to a lot of this!

  2. Such a truly amazing testimony! Thank you for sharing!

  3. beautiful testimony. I like how you said ' God qualified me' .

  4. Well said Jess you inspired me so much through this. I love you


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