As time went on, I got more uncomfortable in my skin and began to think I was looking a lot more chubby and a lot less cute. Stretch marks started developing (literally everywhere except my belly and it bothered me. (Don't worry, belly ones came later;))
When I got to about 37- 38 weeks I realized what I had been doing. I had a hard time with the weight gain & it started making me not like being pregnant. I was ready to lose the weight, ready to have my baby girl, and ready to have my body back to normal. I think it should also be said that I watched other friends struggle with this and always thought to myself " I would never struggle with that if I were pregnant. Pregnancy is so gorgeous, why would they think they look fat?" I was sorely mistaken.
Like I said it wasn't until about 38 weeks along that I started to see myself differently. I noticed I started to be sad that I wouldn't be pregnant anymore. I saw other pregnant woman who were beautiful! Woman who had gained almost 70 pounds and looked absolutely stunning. This particular girl I had found via Instagram and started catching up on her bump dates on her blog. And wouldn't you know it, she also thought she didn't look so pretty.
It's funny how I could look at her & think how absolutely beautiful she looked but then look at myself and think the opposite. It's when I saw this blog that I changed my view. She too thought she had gained too much weight & was struggling with how she looked.
As I looked at her pictures, I realized how hard I had been on myself. How truly beautiful it was that I was growing a little baby girl & how I might never get this experience again. I started seeing myself differently. Even though I only had 2 weeks left, I wanted to get dressed and go out and show off my bump. I started to truly believe my husband when he would say "you look so beautiful" or "how sexy my baby bump made me look." I started to say thank you & let it make me joyful when someone would compliment me. I posted this photo in Instagram and shared my feelings. And I truly appreciate everyone of your sweet words that were completely unexpected, but I believed you for once!
Pregnancy is so so beatiful and such a privilege. I don't even think I realized how blessed I was. So I don't care anymore if people call me "huge" (although a post is coming on those little comments later ;)) I'm honestly just in awe of how beautiful this big ole round belly is. How unfair of me to ever think anything different when The Lord granted me a womb that could conceive a child. The body that The Lord gave me has carried a child, Our child, His child and He created me to hold her little body and nourish her and keep her safe. He gave me a body that would be her home for 9 months. He grew it and shaped it and made it the perfect place for our little baby to grow. And so, I love it.
Love this! I loved being pregnant and still look at photos in awe of how large my belly got and just think about the little boy who was inside there. Yes, I'm still uncomfortable with the stretch marks and the extra flab where it didn't used to be...but I have to remind myself that I grew our son inside of me!
ReplyDeleteP.S.- Congratulations on that precious baby girl! I can't wait to see more pictures of her and read all about her birth! Hope you are feeling well and that everything went smoothly!